So, my sister is in town as well as my cute nephew, Jacoby. So we went out to the hospital when she arrived yesterday, cuz Grandpa may not even make it a week. It’s awful. Hospice is coming either tomorrow or the next day, we got him a room set up. I already fell off the porch helping Mom take Dad down the stairs in a wheelchair, when we first got back from GA, 3 weeks ago.. My arm is scarred && my back is fuuucked. I’m just glad they were ok. So I’m glad we’ll have someone to help this time cuz fuuuuck that.

I’m staying strong emotionally. I am trying to take it all in stride, enjoy the time I have left with him. I make more jokes to lighten the mood. Every time I smile at him, no matter how bad he feels, he smiles back. I could do it all day… but of course I can’t tonight thanks to mom (keep reading)..This past year I got to really know him && I realize everything does happen for a reason. When I moved in with him a little over a year ago in GA, after about 3 months I made him go to the DR cuz he kept coughing & got kinda weaker. Met his doctor. He wears fucking Hawaiian button downs, khaki shorts && flip mother fucking flops. That is his uniform. I should have known that very moment not to take this asshole seriously…

After about the 3rd visit when he prescribed my Dad OTC meds and put it on a prescription pad I realized this asshole is just in it for the money && don’t give a fuck about nobody. So one night Dad was trying to turn the TV with his cell phone. Scared the living shit out of me, so when he went to bed, I called his DR, but FORTUNATELY another DR from that branch called me back in 15 mins. We talked && I said, “I want you to take my Grandfather as a patient. Not to put down his profession but that other guy is a dumbass”. A week later, as soon as we went to the new DR he did a chest X-Ray && came back in the room && told me he thinks he has lung cancer…That was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. The next week, after seeing a lung DR, we got the news. This was November 9th. I don’t remember how life was before that very moment… I mean, like, I can’t remember how I felt.

But this is pretty much how I feel toward most people, the ones who aren’t here for Dad, his 3 sons mainly..

&& to make matters worse, Last night Jamie had Jacoby && a stroller full of our 2 purses + diaper bag + my huge tote with laptops && books. && it was cold as fuck + windy as fuck..So she let me drive around to pick them up. There was nobody parked behind me, so I backed up && the next thing I know I hit something on the right front of the car. A 2012 Camry. I panicked, it was a white truck parked on the far right behind me. I freaked out, but Jamie didn’t notice so it took me 3 hours to summon the courage to tell her. She was mad. She told me to call her husband && surprisingly enough, he said “It happens, it’s ok”

But then I had to tell Mom. She told me not to come to the hospital cuz Dad needs quiet… && “Kayla, you can’t just keep fucking shit up && expecting people to pay for it” Um, what the fuck is she even talking about? I CAN’t work, I’ve been with my Gramps… & if he needs peace && quiet then why the fuck is she there? She’s the only one who’s even mad…. FML though for real. But Jamie has done so much for me, I’m going to pay her back ASAP. I HAVE to find a job it’s gonna be at least 1k. && She’s more like a mother to me than my own mom was ever since I was 14.. She’s my best friend && I would be lost without her. Well, more lost than I naturally am.

But seriously.. Please pray for him as well the little family he has left that cares…I’m strong emotionally, but I’m more worried about my mom than anything…

I love you, Monsters <